FORTEAN FILES - Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty, Creepy Kitty, Borg

    Nick Redfern is my favorite author. He writes in the realms of cryptozoology, Ufo's, the occult, and generally weird crap. Nick's books are interesting and fun. Last year he put out a great book that I highly recommend named "Monster Files." This volume details various legitimate files he uncovered by using the Freedom of Information Act. Files that specifically have to do with our governments involvement with, or interest in, strange creatures and similar themes, such as Bigfoot, Lake Monsters, and Wolfmen.
    One of the coolest chapters in Monster Files is what I wanted to talk about today. A chapter that details a secret program instituted by the CIA during the 1960's titled "Acoustic Kitty."
    During the 60's of course we were in the midst of the cold war with Russia, and were also at the height of the spy game. The CIA involved itself in many covert programs to monitor the Red Menace, which leads us to this gem of a tale.
    They brought some domestic cats to their secret laboratory and performed Dr. Frankenstein like surgeries on the poor little felines. The doctors implanted microphones and transmitters on the tails and sides of their patients, turning them into a type of cat cyborg. The budget for this diabolical program was 10 million dollars. Now remember, this was the 60's. The 6 Million Dollar Man was 10 years later and 4 million dollars cheaper, so this was actually a big deal.
    After some attempts with various levels of success the first terminator cat was completed and ready for its maiden mission. They had to find ways to overcome many setbacks along the way. One example of a problem that had to be dealt with was when they placed the test subject in the yard the kitty was distracted by a bird or a squirrel, and would wander off the path. After a time the kinks were worked out and it was time for real action.
    When the big day finally came, the junior secret agent was placed in an unmarked van and driven down to the Soviet Embassy. The first mission plan was simple, the Acoustic Kitty would be released into the grounds of the Embassy, and would pick up random snippets of conversations that would be transmitted back to old Uncle Sam. Well, the plan did not go quite as well as the CIA had hoped. The cyborg cat was placed on the ground headed toward its destination, but never made it there. It walked about 15 feet across the road and was hit and squished by a taxi cab driving down the street. Acoustic Kitty was no more.
    A final determination was made to shelve the project, as the official documentation states, "the environmental and security factors in using this technique in a real foreign situation force us to conclude that for our (intelligence) purposes, it would not be practical."
    Nick Redfern discovered this information in a 1967 CIA document "Views of Trained Cats." If you dig this kind of bizarre nonsense you should check out Nick's books. He has a bunch of them and they are available online and at better booksellers worldwide. Creepy!